Hey folks, so I always try to give some context for how and why I was released from the sumptuous prison that is my home and able to go see a movie (parenting squashes that freedom like a foot on a spider).

This time around I was 1400 km from my husband, child and all responsibility therein. I went to visit my BFF in Thunder Bay for the Canada Day Long Weekend (the flight was my Christmas present from my hubby-I think he hoped I’d forget) and while bumming around in town we had the option of seeing either The House or Baywatch. We chose The House.

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No one ever accused us of making good life choices

I love Will Ferrell movies. I think he’s a gift given to us to balance out the existence of Jeremy Renner. He was fairly sedate in this one though, as BFF pointed out. Everything about this movie was sedate. All the classic Casino movie tropes are present in parody form. Some elicited laughter, others had us Tommy Texting our SOs because we knew no one in there was missing anything from our screen glare.

Here are the rules of parenting that I learned from this movie:

  • “The number one rule of parenting is to keep your kids in the dark about the real world”-Will Ferrell
  • Not being able to pay for your kid’s schooling is tantamount to being an abusive deadbeat parent who cares as much about the kid’s future as my cat cares about my feelings. Am I alone in thinking that making your kid pay for some of their own schooling makes them not take the experience for granted?
  • Its completely unacceptable to get your kid to help pay for their own tuition but it IS ok for them to tag along when you break into city hall and steal vast sums of money from the mayor. At least that’s not as bad as when Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel brought their kids with them to YouPorn Headquarters in Sex Tape (Sidenote: if given the option, watch that movie instead of this one, its on Netflix)
  • Thanks to Amy Poehler’s trailblazing, I too can wear denim rompers when I’m in my 40s! Yes!

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Fashion Icons

The premise is all there in the trailer and its incredibly basic. Kid gets into college, parents lose money for college, parents open underground gambling den to pay for college. Parents profit. The only thing I would add is to say that their friend turned business partner Frank was the one who had the idea in the first place, executed it and basically the whole movie should’ve been about him. Frank was great.

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I tweak the nipples of comedy

When I first arrived in Thunder Bay I was talking to BFF about my possible relocation to Cambridge. I wanted her opinion since she used to live there with her parents.

 

BFF: Well Laura, its like this. If cities were different colors…Cambridge would be beige. It is the beige of towns

Laura: My hometown would be brown

Carli: Thunder Bay is mustard yellow

Laura: Let’s make hot dogs

 

The reason I bring that conversation up is because The House is the beige of Will Ferrell movies. There were some solid one-liners (“I want to feed you soup when you get old”), a hilariously black soundtrack that only emphasized the beigeness of this movie, and I laughed every time the term “soccer mom” was used as a genderless insult. That being said, there are better things you could probably do with your time and not going to see Baywatch will probably be right up their in BFF and I’s life regrets along with peeing in that prickle bush and not studying for that Theory exam.

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Theory of What you ask? We’ll never know because our parent’s paid for college

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